Every doctor I have seen has told me I needed to lose weight and I would increase my chances at conceiving on my own. At least a 10% weight loss. So with that in mind, I have thought: Wouldn't you think since I want to have a child so desperately, I would starve myself to lose weight? That should be motivation by itself, right? Well I think most of the cysters out there would say if only it were that easy.
I have tried to diet. One diet after another. I will lose weight and then I will get in the depression funk and gain it, plus 10-20 more! It's terrible, I hate being this way. Not only have I dealt with all of the infertility emotions, I also deal with self image problems as well. A lot of times I would tell people I couldn't go out or do things because I am embarrassed about my weight. I don't have many clothes to wear because I can't find any that fit me just the way I like. (I have the typical PCOS belly, around the middle) I tell my husband it's like I am a tomato on a toothpick! He laughs, thinking I am joking.. but it honestly humiliates me to look this way.
When I look in the mirror I can not believe my husband will even touch me!
It's so bad, one of the reasons I don't go to church is because I never can find anything to wear. It's so difficult to shop and with the whole trying on things, it just depresses me even more. My husband and I are Nascar fans and went to Bristol Motor Speedway last year and I about had a heart attack going up the steps to our seats. I literally had to stop in the middle of flight and take a break. I look up and he is looking down at me with this look like are you coming? What are you doing? I was so embarrassed, I felt like 160,000 people were looking at me and laughing! I have missed out on so many things because of my weight and I am ready to change that! I have decided if I can't have a baby then at least I should feel good about the way I look.
I started weight watchers last year in October. I went to about 4 meetings and decided to go on my own with the information I had received. I thought maybe it was a bad time to start because of the Holidays, but I told myself not to think that way. I was always coming up with an excuse, like it's Wednesday and well I will start fresh on Monday..... well why wait? That's an extra 5 days I could have to get to my goal and I don't want to look like this 5 days more than I have to!
So...... I got through Thanksgiving and Christmas without gaining a pound! (Yay me!) Actually I lost some! I was very proud of myself. As of today I have lost almost 30 pounds!! I still have about 40 more to go according to Weight Watchers.
I am ready to love myself, love the way I look, love the way I feel and I can't wait to go shopping! I love clothes, even though you wouldn't see that now, in the winter my typical outfit is T-shirt, hoody, and jeans ( my brother in law pointed that out to me not too long ago, I guess making fun of me, but it's the only thing I am comfortable in). He doesn't understand and what he doesn't know is how much I would love to come out of my shell.
I think know I can do it this time. I have not gave up on this like I usually do. Yesterday it was nice outside I went for a 3 mile walk. I was walking back in the fall and some of the hills on my walking trail would almost kill me. I felt like stopping and taking a break. Huffing and puffing. BUT now 30 lb.. less, I flew up the hills and didn't feel like giving up. I am amazed how different I felt yesterday when walking. It gave me more motivation. If I feel that great after losing 30, how will I feel if I am 70 lb. lighter!? I can do this, I will do this and who knows maybe I will lose this weight just to gain some of it back with a pregnancy!!
I may not be able to solve my infertility issues, but I am going to try my hardest to control my weight. I have too, my life depends on it.... I already have to miss out on so many things because of infertility, I don't want to miss out on other things because of my weight!
I would love to hear about your success stories at losing weight, or unsuccessful stories as well. Either way we all need a good support system. Good luck to everyone!!
Congrats on the 30lbs lost! That's amazing!
ReplyDeleteIt's been really hard to lose weight for me because of PCOS and depression from IF and the miscarriages. But I know I can do it. Being on the right dose of Metformin has made a huge difference for me, watching calories, working out, getting my heart working harder :)
Slow but steady. We can do it.
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