I had a good day yesterday hanging out with my husband (it's always a good day when I am with him), but I started feeling down as I was driving home last tonight. My mind started replaying the day. I held three babies, I was around over a hundred kids at a birthday party and seen at least 5 pregnant women. When I started looking back on the day, I started thinking about how depressing it is to be childless and how it seems like everyone around me isn't.
I actually almost left the place where the party was today. I didn't figure the adults would have to pay admission if all you were doing was just walking in the place and sitting at a table where the birthday party was going on, so I asked the girl at the desk about it. She told me " if you have a kid you don't have to pay, but if you don't have a kid you have to pay". That went through me like a knife! I wanted to turn around and go out to the car and cry.
Once again, I felt like my husband and I were being punished because we didn't have kids.
I know the girl didn't know that what she said was hurtful, (she doesn't even know me) but it just brought up a lot of emotion.
Maybe one day I will become a part of the mommy club, until then I just need to learn to fit into the infertile club. It's unbelievable how hard that is though...I am just tired of feeling left out when I am around people.
( cycle seems very messed up, today is CD41 and nothing. I can't do an IUI if I don't have a cycle...this is so frustrating, how many people wish for a period? (if I am not gonna have a BFP then I want AF) If I have one then I could be closer to achieving my dream by being able to try the next step in our infertility journey!) I don't understand these tests...what is going on with this cycle?? I have never had them gradually get darker at the end of cycle. Is this a PCOS thing? I have had a couple of times with light brown spotting just when I have wiped, do I consider that AF?? HELP!!!! I am so confused!
It sucks feeling left out like that. I don't know anything about PCOS but that women that have it have long periods that could last 100 days or so!
ReplyDeleteWishing you the best of luck.
With PCOS sometimes OPKs aren't reliable. When it has worked for me in the past it did get gradually darker, but it was really hard to tell. If AF still doesn't show in a few weeks, you may want to call your doctor to see about being prescribed progesterone to bring on a bleed since it may be an anovulatory cycle. Hoping it's not though, maybe you're going to Ov soon.
ReplyDeleteAnd OUCH about that woman at the place, that is ridiculous!
Just making sure you've ruled out a bfp. I've seen ladies opks do this when they are pregnant also. It could also be an anovulatory cycle. I hope whatever it is it resolves itself soon so you can move forward.
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